It has been a week of between in Tatamagouche. We had a bit of much needed rain. Because of weather underground, we felt there was a realistic hope for more. The hospital emergency experienced it’s first few shifts after reopening and the expectation was that this was going to work almost as planned, but with less control than was entirely comfortable. The past 3 pandemic months were feeling like a bleak chapter in a book that promised a better conclusion.
Most weeks feel in between. Sometimes the gaze is more over the shoulder, sometimes more up ahead, but always a change in progress. We live in the had/hope, experience/expectation, past/promised space. Our lives are in the forward slash.
I was running along a woodland trail near the Wentworth hostel thinking about such things, and caught my toe on a root, lurching forward. The toe cap on the left shoe is starting to hang down, and, as I get a little lazy and start to skim my feet, the rubber can catch. As a fell forward and caught myself, my body became a forward slash in the woods. It made me think about the shape of today, the shape our lives make through time
The forward slash is planted at the end of the last word and leans forward falling, as it were, onto the beginning of the word to come. Like a domino. We are planted at the end of yesterday and falling into the beginning of tomorrow. Like a domino
Our main job is to create enough momentum in the present so that, as it becomes the past, we are falling into the future. We catch our toe running and slant forward. We don’t recoil from the future and fall backwards. A life well lived does not make something great again, it just makes something new. Or at least, newish.
There are a lot of domino falling videos that one can find. Often there is a clip of a domino track being set up. This often is greatly abbreviated or shown in several times actual speed. There is a brief pause to admire, then the lion’s share of the video is watching the complex trail of dominos fall, often spectacularly, and it really is difficult to pause or look away from this point. Finally there is brief applause, usually no time is spent admiring the pile of fallen dominos.
I think this reflects the nature of forward slash living. There has been a lot of set up, there has been a lot of activity, planning, and eventuality that has brought us to this point in life. It is important to acknowledge that because it allows appropriate appreciation of what comes next, but it is not to be dwelt on, it isn’t the point of the exercise. A life well lived is not a reflection primarily of how I got to this point. The real point is the forward lurch, the one piece falling into the next creating momentum, and something worth watching. It’s hard to pause or look away from this. Our life doesn’t have much wonder if one piece falls into place, the wonder is that that piece leads to another, and another, and another. Momentum begets momentum
If you have ever made even a simple domino trail with a kid, you know that almost the instant it is over, the child says, ‘let’s do it again.’ There is little drama in looking at fallen dominos. The drama is in falling dominos. So let’s set them up again. As we get older, we are more likely to suggest putting them back in the box, less drama. When you are younger you want to see the run again
A successful trail of dominos needs some planning. You can focus on the big picture for some wow factor, but really the essential point is that the momentum not be lost. There isn’t too big a gap. Each dominoes forward slash needs to be able to contact the next one. In the same way, life planning can focus on the big picture for some wow factor, but success is found in not losing the forward slash momentum. I just need this action or decision to bump into the next one. I can’t be so invested in one step that I lose sight of the fact that it just is leading to another one, and that’s what make a life work
If I stop, or fall backwards, or slide off to one side, I lose the trail. I just will have to start up again, create some new momentum. In dominos, as in life, that’s often disappointing, but not the end. We just have to push a little harder to start getting things falling in the right direction again
I have been watching Normal People, a show of great power, quiet, despair, and hope featuring characters that you care deeply for and long for good things for. Connell and Maryanne experience a life that falls forward, sometimes out of control, sometimes clumsily, and sometimes has to be restarted after falling backwards. After all of this, the show ends like this (sorry, but it doesn’t ruin anything, really)
Connell: I’ll go
Maryanne: I’ll stay. … and we’ll be okay
This is forward slash living. The viewer is practically shouting at the screen, ‘how can you some up all you’ve been through like THAT.’ And then, when you realize the show is done, ‘what do you mean it’s done! WHAT HAPPENS!’
But this is a life well lived, the past powerfully acknowledged but not dwelt on The future, as ever, unknown yet welcomed. And the present, a decision to move forward, to choose /.
