Let me seek not so much to be understood as to understand
It has been a week of renewal in Tatamagouche. The province has gone 2 weeks with no new COVID cases and is now considered functionally COVID-free. Tatamagouche is struggling back to life. This weekend the main street was crowded, the patio at Tatabrew was open and a few brave adventurors were on it. The long promised ‘Ice Creamery’ opened to raves. The community turned out in a rather bizarre reverse parade to socially distancely support the high school grads. People were chatting, although at a rather awkward ‘standing on the back heel and turned to the left’ kind of way. These images of coming to life led to reflections on renewal, resurrection, and spirituality.
This post’s top line is found about 2/3rds of the way through one of Christendom’s most well-known prayers. It is needle-pointed in many homes, we have it in ours. It is taught and memorized as part of step 11 in twelve step programs. Sarah McLaughlin sings it. It begins with the phrase ‘Let me be an instrument of your peace’ and so is known as ‘the prayer for peace’ or, most commonly, as the Prayer of St Francis of Assisi
Memorized spiritual texts are prone to popping uninvited into the midst of inner rants. I had spent hours recently trying to move our hospital to a new way of doing things which I thought was clearly going to be beneficial. Local leaders agreed. Provincial leaders didn’t. I was out for a run in the woods griping that people weren’t taking the time or effort to understand the point that I was making when the uninvited line from the Prayer of St Francis pushed it’s way into the grumble. Slightly chastened, I came home from the run and read the prayer, and read about the prayer
Apparently, St Francis had nothing to do with the prayer. Francis lived in the 12th century. The prayer dates just to 1912 It was written by Father Bouquerel, a French cleric writing in a small Catholic circular called La Clochette, meaning ‘the little bell’. It seems that Father Bouquerel had read the writings of Brother Giles who was also from Assisi and was a much less famous companion of Francis. Giles wrote a devotion that contained lines like, ‘Blessed is he who serves and does not therefore desire to be served’. It actually sounds much like the ‘prayer for peace’.
It seems appropriate that an encouragement to be the willing supporter, listener, person in the background, has been credited to someone who is famous, but not the actual writer. Brother Giles gets no fame or glory. His famous friend gets even more famous
Giles uses the word ‘Blessed’ which we tend to think means ‘good things happen to’, but the early church fathers used the word to mean more like ‘you are being the best you when,’ to our more modern ears. Meaning that the prayer is saying something like, ‘you are at your healthiest and most whole as a person when you are working harder to understand others than you are trying to make your points.’
Part of the cause of burnout is the feeling that I am not being heard, I am being used, I am not meeting my true potential, or living my best life. What if living my best life was actually like Giles said. What if I was at my most whole when I was trying to understand how others saw life. What if I wrote one of the most inspirational pieces of transformation ever, and my famous friend got all the credit for it. Would that have made the creation of it, or the response to it any less important? What if I could live this way?
My colleague, Mike, says that when more than 1/3 of the people you see in a day are being unreasonable, they are not the ones being unreasonable. Another colleague, Aruna, says that everyone does something believing that it will lead to a desired result. No-one deliberately chooses to do something that won’t work. This means your ridiculous antics and ranting is not a ridiculous rant to you, it just seems that way to me. Mike is saying that I should try to understand myself better, I need to pay attention to my selfishness. Aruna is saying that I should try to understand you better, to really listen to you. Neither one is saying that I will make life better by being the most important person in the room.
So much burnout stems from feeling ‘I deserve more, more respect, more time, more thanks, more autonomy.’ Maybe a management of burnout is listening for ‘the little bell’ which rings and reminds us that I am my best, most whole, me when I am listening and understanding. The story matters. The story of my life, of your life, of Tatamagouche, of Covid, of restoration, of risk, of ice cream, of renewal. If I really listen I may hear the bell and find something pure and clear and important. Then I will feel healthy and whole. Then I’ll be blessed
